A lot has been happening in the past couple months, and a lot is going to be happening in the next coming months. It's always awesome to hear stories from people of how God is working in their lives. Hearing their stories is always an encouragement to my personal faith, which is always a needed thing. I find myself being pulled in so many directions, not between different tasks and places to be, but in my faith and my emotions. I know I shouldn't question God, but it's seems lately i've been losing my motivation for patience. I've always been a patient guy, there's not much that really gets to me (though it is possible), but time is a killer. God has blessed me with an amazing job, and has given me so many opportunities for which I could not be more thankful. It's been over two years now since i've been working with Universal Interactive developing toys, creating graphics, and other similar tasks and it's has definitely been a large part of my life. Over these two years I have truely felt that this job is where God has called me to be and calls me to be in the future. Given, I will never know what God's full plan for me is and can only move as he directs me.
But it seems i'm losing direction. Since that is where I felt God has called me to me I have put all my effort into making it happen. For two years now it has been a struggle with being broke, tired, a dimming hope, and running out of time. I'm scared. I try to relay confidence to my family and friends that everything is going to be ok, it will all work out soon, but I don't know. It's been two years of being beaten down, with the same hope as when this all started, and i'm beginning to lose patience with God. I'm sorry, and pray for forgiveness, but this is my struggle. If this is where God wants me to be, why does he wait soooo loooooonnngggg. Why does he show times where it seems everything is finally there, the day has come when you found out if it has all been worth it! but not yet, just a little bit longer, a little bit longer a littler bit longer. Sorry if your still reading this :) This is growing into a rant. SO THEN, here everything is. Coming down to the last wire, and all I can rely on is faith. It's a weak and powerful feeling when all you have is faith, no control, complete reliance on God.
"Hear, O LORD, and be merciful to me; O LORD, be my help. You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing to you and not be silent. O LORD my God, I will give you thanks forever."
Psalm 30:10-12
Sometimes we must take risk. Having faith that God will step in, and not worrying about that which happens to me here, it is not my biggest concern.
Additionally, There is a constant struggle with sin. Sin that i've been trying to put behind me for a long time now, yet continue to struggle with. Sin that continues to burden me and yet I am able to find strength in Christ, and those who He's put in my life.
Sometimes we come to be broken not all at once, but slowly. Not even realizing it till we've reached the point of desperation. But it's at those times when we look back and see only one pair of footsteps on the beach, and know that they are not my own, but of God's, as he carries me everyday through my struggles.
God is good.
