Questions

I can say today with Full confidence that God Exists. Of this I have no doubt. But why the Christian God? Simple because it makes more sense than other religious doctrines? Because it does make more sense than others. But does that make it true? Looking at it from a secular perspective Jesus was just some crazy dude who claimed to be the son of God. But from the Christian view he's the Son of God. The Divine gift sent as our Saviour. It's beautiful. Then Why is it so hard to accept this? Why do I keep finding myself second guessing everything? Questioning everything? Holding other world views and theologic ideals just as high if not more so than the Bible? Gods LIVING WORD! Why do I give just as much time debating and studying these when they are merely man made doctrines? too many questions.

Lord, I pray that you will fill me with your living spirit. As your humble servant. I pray for those who don't know you, for the so many that are lost. That you will lead them and guide them to your presence. Please give me the courage and the boldness to willfully represent you in giving your gift to others.

July 28th 1:00 am

**The following series of posts are from a series of Journal entries from the summer of 2009

So I'v never been mad at God before. Maybe i've never felt the need to, or maybe I've just never cared enough to be mad. Even now I don't have a good reasonto be mad at God other than Where is he? and why can't I find him?

I've grown up my entire life in a Christian Family living by Christian Ideals. And I don't that at all. But if someone honestly asked me whether I was a Christian, I would have to say no. I know God exists, but I don't know who he is. I don't care don't care about being wrong in what I believe in. But what is it that I do believe?

I've gone my entire life trying yo surround myself with hoping God would reveal himself that way. But my whole life I've just been waiting. Never caring enough to passionately pursue Christ but always being peacefully satisfied where I was. Recently I've been looking harder than I'v ever tried before. Whether at camp, church, reading, whatever. Everytime I'd come close to fully devote myself, I'd stop. Then lose it like a hair in the wind. Well maybe more like a balloon cause I can see it floating away.

Where is he?! Who is he?! Why can't I know who he is? Maybe i've never realy cared about my religion. maybe I've never tried. But now I do. It is now time to confront my faith and beliefs and dig a threshhold. Do I just need a breakdown? Is there one moment that defines your faith? maybe this whole thing is selfish. But I would rather have confidence in my faith.

As a side note: A couple days ago I thought of this awesome parody to God: When we swim under water in a pool to get to the other side it is hard to do this with our eyes closed. But with our eyes open we can see our goal and Destination. We need to keep our eyes open on God and in Life.

Now the question I ask is, What is it I'm looking at?

1:26 am

fears

I have two fears.

(1) That I will fall from striving to live in Christ's image and become a Sunday Christian, and (2) that God doesn't exist. That I am, all that I work for, all that I strive to be is meaningless.

What else is there two fear? what else is worth fearing?

So we can confidently say,

“The Lord is my helper;
I will not fear;
what can man do to me?”

—Hebrews 13:6

I believe with full confidence that God exists. That Jesus Christ was his son on earth and the God's spirit is an acting force, alive and moving today. Yet it still plagues my mind that He might not exist. That the core of my beliefs are wrong. It deeply saddens me how much time I give thought to this. Time that could be spent in God's word or in prayer.

I fear this not for the possibility that it is true. God's alive. I fear this because effects me, because it detaches me from the relationship I have and can have with Christ.

But there's comfort and rest. So long I've been stuck on the idea that we search and strive for Christ because that's what human do. Because we have this need for God. But this is not the reason. We strive for God and seek Him because He exists, and He wants us to find Him.

Coming back from Mexico was amazing. Times like these when your on fire for Christ and you can see what he's doing throughout the world. That He's bigger than you or I, or the American religion so many make it out to be. You don't want to loose that passion.

So I ask for your prayer. If you see me fall, call me out, lift me up. And I will do the same for you.

Lord, I pray to you now. Never leave my side. I am yours.